Ever heard about frogs and boiling water analogy?
If you haven’t, here’s the 30 seconds:
A frog, if placed in boiling water will jump straight out, however a if a frog is placed in cold water and the water is set to boil, the frog, won’t register the slow increase in temperature and will ultimately boil to death.
Well, believe it or not that is exactly what a bad relationship is.
Take Sherry and Matt for instance, Sherry and her partner have been together for 15 years, for 8 of those years they’ve dated and for the next 7 they’ve been living together saving up for a down payment on a house, a car and a wedding, to help celebrate their relationship.
Only, it wasn’t that simple.
Sherry was always an optimistic person, and she knew Matt wasn’t, which is why she always found it important to help him realize that the cup wasn’t half empty it was half full.
Psychologists such as Dr. Sasha Lynn, have emphasized how pessimistic people tend to be the way they are due to a mix of nurture and nature. It is the nurture bit, that tends to make people think they can ‘fix’ them.
And she did, for the first few years.
And it even worked, any time Matt was down or feeling incomplete she’d step in a fill in till he felt better.
But after 15 years, Sherry soon realized her entire life revolved around Matt’s moods. Fixing his problems, making sure he was okay, took precedence over everything else – even herself.
You see much like that frog, Sherry began to lose herself slowly – it started with digs and snarky remarks, and near the end it was everything. It was then that Sherry knew she had to make it stop.
So, for the first-time in 15 years she put herself first and walked away.
The moral of the story here is simple – you can’t fix people. You can try to help them, and it is important that you do, but unless people are interested in changing, one-sided effort will at some point be more than just futile, it will be draining.
You deserve more than that. Remember, you are of no help to anyone unless you are doing well first. Love yourself, and then love others.
Be your own person.